In a place of overwhelm, confusion, hope, guilt, willingness, fear and a bunch of other emotions put in a nutri-bullet and blended into a emotional smoothie from either heaven or hell (I haven’t worked that one out yet).
I am currently away from my home- doing something a little different and as some people would say ‘throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks’. This is such an interesting pivot point for me, as I throw myself into a pond filled with really big bloody fish and try to accustom myself to Dory and ‘just keep swimming, just keep swimming.’
I was gifted some space today (which ironically now a lot of space has opened up) where I was able to spend time on my own, with no obligations (other than the ones harping from my inbox) and just wanted to get out, breathe new air and not feel confined by the walls of expectant behaviours. I jumped in the car, found myself venturing to Descanso Gardens in California.
I just continued to follow the impulses from inside, for me a challenge is being on my own and here, well, I AM ON MY OWN. I arrived at the Gardens and the air smelt fresh, light and it was so quiet. I worked my way around from right to left, taking myself through a natural journey of different eras of flowers, designs and settings, even these beautiful plants that dated prehistoric times. I promised to walk slow, counting each breath 1-2-3-4-hold-1-2-3-4- release to keep myself present, my spider senses tingling and my eyes gobbling up the deliciousness of the sights around me.
It brought around a ‘ah-huh’ moment as I stopped to place my hands on big beautiful Oaks that are wiser than any human could ever dream of. They stood confident in their own energy, presenting each day exactly as they are regardless of the weather. Even if it was wind blown or to rain they would stand as they are and allow everything to be as it is. Each flower, at a different stage of life, no flower exactly the same as our fingerprint to identify us, yet some from the same tree, the same seed, nourished by the same soil and water.
We are much the same in our forms, we come from something that identifies us all has human (well part human for us energy bunnies anyway) and then a bunch of different additional characteristics make up the race, identity, personality and other traits of who we are. I am the one I am but I am you too as you are me. I am already a doctor, lawyer, performer, mother, brother, carpenter, actor, homeless, lower class, upper class, farmer, dentist, volunteer, criminal, murderer, victim, traveller, writer, wanderer and I could go on forever, but my point is, that whilst I am continuing to strive to achieve this idea of who I am, I am already all of these things because I am what you are and you are everything.
So, in this place of overwhelm where I can’t seem to figure out what I want or whether I’m getting it right, coming back to nature reminded me of the evolution of me. Grounding myself in her presence, listening to nothing but the whispers from the wind tickling the leaves and my skin, growing bigger gusts when she demanded my attention. Coming back to nature to settle my worries, give them away in fact and just relish in the divine beauty, the secrets hiding in each creation, not so much a secret if you are willing to sit down and listen.
Get outside, embrace a tree, admire a flower and if you are anything like me, you’ll end up talking to it. Walk on the ground and dismiss the concrete, find your grounding point and just breathe. It will all be ok, everything will come as you are ready, so just get ready to be ready.
Love and other things xo